Congratulations

Writing is an interesting process....Sometimes you feel like writing and there's not a subject in the world that inspires you to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys).  Yesterday I was thinking, "I should write a new blog post."  But what should I write about?  Hmm... The holidays?  Work?  The tragedy at Sandy Hook?  My upcoming fertility specialist appointment?  Nothing struck me as "needing" to be written about.  A subject has to want to be written about - It has to call you, beckon you to explore it.  If it doesn't inspire you, forget it.  Since I couldn't decide on what to write about, I decided to just wait for a subject to come knocking at my door.  It would happen.  It always does....And it's rarely something I expected to write about.

My maternal grandfather is a proud Rotarian.  He always dreamed of one of his grandchildren studying abroad through the Rotary International Youth Exchange Program.  Lucky for him, two of his grandchildren partook in this amazing study abroad opportunity - my brother and myself.  I spent the most influential year of my life on the west coast of Norway during my junior year of high school, and Ian spent his sophomore year in Ireland and England.  While Ian was preparing for his year in the United Kingdom we met a lovely young lady named Sarah who was preparing to go to Italy.  Sarah was sweet and bubbly, with an infectious personality.  During her year in Italy she fell in love with a native Italian and eventually married him.  It was such a fairytale story.

I hadn't seen Sarah in many years, but I had heard that her first child, a baby girl, was stillborn.  I remember feeling very sad for her, but totally naive to her grief.  Little did I know that I would walk in her shoes one day.

After years and years and years I saw Sarah today.  She and her husband own a lovely little shop in downtown Bedford, PA, where they sell authentic Italian pastas and goods and host elegant Italian meals.  She looked beautiful - bright and vivacious - just as I remembered her.  She looked like life filled her and fulfilled her.  I told her about Jonah and she shared with me about her own loss, now six years ago.  She told me that she felt like she was "chosen" to be Sophia's mom and that she felt incredibly blessed to have had the time she had with her.  She said she felt like her experience shaped her into who she is and that she wouldn't have traded it.  Even with tears in her eyes, she spoke with such joy and pride for her first child....grateful for her existence and continued presence. As she spoke I thought about all the sadness that surrounds death.  So much sadness looms around Jonah's passing that it's hard to celebrate the joy of his birth, of his life.  While I feel the same pride in my baby as Sarah does, it's hard to look past the fact that he is not here and that my heart is so empty...  But just as I was absorbing Sarah's uplifting spirit regarding her precious daughter she said the most incredible thing to me.  She said, "Congratulations," and gave me a big hug. Congratulations on having a baby, on becoming a mom.  Sarah's words of congratulations completely caught me off guard - like an unfamiliar phrase in a learned language.  It took me a second to register its meaning. But my puzzlement quickly turned to gratefulness...That five syllable word swelled my heart and caused tears to run down my face.  The emotional response I had was overwhelming.    Congratulations...Such a foreign word to us...We have been surrounded by so many I'm sorry's and other sad condolences.  Since Jonah died I have not had a single person congratulate me on the birth of my son.  How quickly people forget to celebrate the joy of a child entering this world, even if he only stayed a short while.    Sarah's simple word warmed my heart and filled me with such pride and joy for my sweet Jonah.  We should celebrate his entrance into this world, his sweet existence.  This simple word was so unexpected, yet so welcomed. 

I can relate to Sarah's joy of having her daughter in her life - even if she couldn't stay.  I ache for Jonah every day, but I do not regret his short life.  The two days with Jonah were our most precious two days, and the 25 weeks leading up to that were shear joy for us.  Jonah has shaped us into who we are - proud parents of such a sweet, eternal soul.  Jonah led me down the path to donate his milk - to literally save babies' lives.  He has touched so many and our story continues to inspire people around the world.  His impact on the lives of others is greater than we can even imagine, and his impact on us will be forever etched in our hearts.  I am so grateful for Jonah Henry.  So proud to be his mom, and so thankful for the acknowledgement of his existence, of his presence in this world.

Sarah, you touched my heart today in a way no one has.  Your words of congratulations filled my heart with such pride for bringing my baby boy into this world.  From one grieving mom to another - I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You entered my life today right when I needed you.

And just like that another blog post is created....Sometimes you just have to let the inspiration come to you when the moment is right.  I knew that moment would come along and help me fill my screen with words.  I just didn't know that one little word congratulations would spark such an emotional response.  

Jonah Henry....Waving at me the first time I saw him